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I woke up this morning to Mama's phone call. She told me that she's going to perform another round of umrah somewhere in the end May. This time around, she going with Atok, Nenek, Arep, Pak Cu and Mak Cu. I am happy for her, for the news but I can't help feeling envy and jealous that Arep is going. When she told me that Pak Cu asked Atok to bring her instead of him, I was hoping that what she's going to say next is, 'I'm taking all of you as well.' Well, as you probably have guessed, no, that's not what she said. She's taking Arep along so that he'll already have the experience when he needs to take us or his wife later. I understand that. I understand that, insyaAllah, I'll have my husband to guide me and to take me to the Holy land to perform both umrah and hajj. But, umrah is something big. Something very spiritual and personal and private that I guess when your parents take one of your siblings along and not you, deep down inside you feel jealous. No matter what the reason is or how valid the reason is for not taking you along. So right now, after 14 hours hearing the news, I'm still a bit sad and disappointed that I am not able to go with them. Alah lah.

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